I am a long term member of Birkbeck College (BBK) - since 1987 no less. I hold two degrees of the College a BA in History and a Masters in Law (remember that “Law” for it’s importance will soon become apparent).
I am a member of Lincoln’s Inn (one of the four Inns of Court for Barristers) and a Certified Paralegal. You might form the opinion that I know some smirch of knowledge about the Law and likewise a fair bit of knowledge about BBK itself.
Last year I was approached by a fellow PhD student in BBK who asked for my assistance with a complaint she had against the College.
I won’t go into the details of her case in order to maintain her confidentiality. However she was so aggrieved that she had launched a formal complaint and had engaged a firm of solicitors.
Acting on her legal team’s advice she had made a subject act under the Data Protection Act 1998(http://www.opsi.gov.uk/acts/acts1998/ukpga_19980029_en_1).
Now that Act requires the Data Controller to acknowledge receipt of the request and to inform the Subject if they have to pay the £10.00 fee. BBK dithered and dallied. They exceeded the 40 days laid down by the Act. They pretended that they had not received the request.
Finally the solicitors complained to the Office of the Information Commissioner. Following this BBK had a hasty back down. They then decided that lawyers are baaad medicine and attempted to freeze them out leaving the student without advice or representation. The documents they released showed all of their shenanigans including a senior academic stating that the lawyers were silly to send it by fax as you couldn’t prove sending or receipt. The next document was the said fax with a nice received date stamp and his initials on it indicating he had seen it before he claimed he had not. A clear case of “liar, liar pants on fire”
And that’s where I came in. As a member of College I have the right to represent another student and of course as a lawyer I have the knowledge and ability to do so. I should add that I am doing so on a pro bono (or as a friend put it pro bonobo) basis.
We agree a hearing date for the Appeal. Imagine our surprise when BBK appointed a senior academic from a department merging with the student’s home department (and which would have been fully merged by the hearing) as the Chair of the Panel. BBK’s Regulations for Panels states that
“Members of a College Complaints Panel shall be independent of the complaint and independent of any School, programme or Service that may be directly concerned with the complaint. Birkbeck Student Complaints Procedure section 6.1.1 (http://www.bbk.ac.uk/qev/reg/regs/complaints_pdf).
We complained about this but the College administrator (the same sweetheart who had ballsed up the Data Protection application) charged with putting the panel together initially refused to budge. This meant that we had to approach the putative Chair of the Panel directly and warn her of the legal consequences of going ahead.
She withdrew!
We than offered mediation as a means of settling the dispute. Now there are standards for mediation and one of the basic ones is that both parties have to be able to accept the mediator and that to permit this the mediator has to be totally impartial. We suggested a number of well respected mediators and were prepared to consider proposals from BBK. Then our old friend the Great Administrator (who in emails we obtained was discussing gamesmanship with the defendant department) indicated that he and only he would make the choice and he was going to appoint a BBK employee. Again we screamed “foul”. We offered them one last chance to come up with an independent mediator or the blame for the failure of mediation would lie on them.
They chose to re-start the Appeal process.
Then the Great Administrator pulled his sweetest stunt yet. He influenced the new Chair of the new Panel to ask the defendant for a better defence. He did this one week before the hearing was due.
He told us 48 hours before the hearing was due and provided us with the new defence less than 24 hours before the hearing. We asked for 2 things.
1. An adjournment so we could study the new defence. This was refused. The Great Procrastinator chose to argue that the Appeal had to be held to save time!
2. We asked if we in turn could submit a new ground of complaint (based on the procedural irregularity) and also lead new medical evidence. This was refused. The Great Procrastinator citing a College Regulation that prevented new grounds or evidence within 4 days of a hearing.
Again we cried foul and were prepared to seek an injunction against BBK to prevent an obvious miscarriage of Justice.
One outcome of this was that the Great Administrator & Procrastinator declared that I was off the case. He seemed to believe that he could decide who my client could have to represent her. How very Stasi!
These antics had caused my client to become very sick at this point.
We then made one last offer to BBK to enter into negotiations with us. They allowed our time limit to pass without answering.
We also asked for a Letter of Completion on the basis that given that they had twice failed to set up a fair and independent panel and had refused both mediation and negotiations there was no way we could get a fair hearing.
This time we got a response - from the Great Procrastinator’s boss (the Lord High Procrastinator?) re-iterated that as far as BBK were concerned I was off the case.
He then went on to say that the Great Procrastinator (shy and retiring bully that he is) had also been withdrawn from the case “in order to protect his wellbeing.” Ah bless!
He added that BBK was considering bringing disciplinary charges against me.
Now I am a lawyer. I am doing my job defending the interests of my client against gross administrative abuses and practices which to quote Lord Atkins in Liversidge v Anderson [1942] AC 206
“In this case I have listened to arguments which might have been addressed acceptably to the Court of Kings Bench in the time of Charles I.
I protest, even if I do it alone”
http://www.bailii.org/uk/cases/UKHL/1941/1.html
There is a word for governance systems which seek to punish lawyers for “defending the children of the poor” and that is tyranny.
This attempt to silence me is cack-handed, but serious for all that. The entire weight of a College administrative structure with all of its powers and back doors communications has been brought to bear on one individual student. They have attempted to strip away every support she might have.
And when they have been caught out they have behaved like bullies everywhere and blamed everyone but themselves – indeed they go so far as to paint themselves as the poor wee victims.
I suspect that they are too mean to take legal advice and too stupid to realize that this cannot be hushed up internally by a kangaroo court.
I suspect that my client’s case will be featuring in the Courts soon enough and if they are foolish enough to attack me then as sure as light follows day they will be back in court.
More pertinently I would invite them to consider tha answer given to the Plaintiff in the famous case of Arkell v. Pressdram http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arkell_v._Pressdram#Litigation
Tuesday, 13 July 2010
Wednesday, 30 April 2008
Walking in the Rain
Since January, when I had a stroke that has left my right hand side somewhat jiggered, I have had the joy of being able to walk slowly everywhere - although to be honest slowly is the only option. Initially with a crutch and now with a walking stick. I know that slow cooking is the mantra of some of the more chi-chi classes (for them as haven't got a life beyond slaving over a hot stove all day)but I would happily recommend slow walking as the next big thing!
As the world and its dog goes racing by the slow walker gets to observe beautifully the glories and folly of life in the greatest city in the multiverse (that's London to the unknowing).
For example the evil that is chugging (charity mugging by eejit students in hi-viz vests) starts to take on a more menacing dimension when they get a good long time to size you up whilst you get to dread the incipient guilt trip as they imply you don't care about, as it might be, homeless, eco-unaware, whale killing child refugees. I have learned to control and indeed master this dread since my epoch shaking discovery that the involuntary and spastic jerking of my head and right hand scares most of them more than they do me. Failing which the old fall back of enquiring "Ich werde Sie sprechen Deutsch machen?" has them fleeing. A crip might be ok but a twitching German crip seems to conjure up Herr Flick of the Gestapo.
Dog "owners" are another group which enliven the day. They fail to understand that crips and dogs get on fine. A great deal of swerving takes place as the poor mutt (the dog that is) is dragged away presumably on the basis that it might either savage me (believe me no terrier is BIG enough) or that I might transfer some strange incapacity to the animal.
Then there is the push chair brigade! These rather weird females (who all seem to think that having pupped is a great achievement) happily send you arse over tit and then spend five minutes comforting the poor babe (not me the one in the pram). Thats when they are not nursing the bruise caused by the last minute application of a walking stick to their shins. Don't annoy the loony with the stick...its not big and its not clever.
Enough about this what happened to walking in the rain? Isn't that the subject of this blog? Well the good thing about rain is that humans generally do their best to get away from it. Chuggers hat it (vanishing into doorways), anti social dog owners decide to take their dogs (who on the whole are entirely better mannered and presented than their "owners") out later, and it is a well known fact that babies melt in rain.
The result is that the streets become free of these obnoxities (I do hope that is a word - if not it ought to be) and mavens like me can strut (ok limp) their stuff with a bit more security. But more than that rain is a great thing to walk in (perhaps that is the Glaswegian in me making necessity the mother of invention)just for the doing of it.
Now admittedly the horizontal in yer face forceful stuff that I grew up with in the Dear Green Place (that's Glasgu for the uninitiated) is a touch taxing but the more gentle vertical variety found in the Sasannach lands can be invigorating.
The streets glisten and adventure seems to beckon around every corner. The looming overcast (no rain without clouds after all) makes even bland office blocks seem to shimmer out of fantasy. Bedraggled pigeons mirror the rainbows cast by oil slicks in puddles in their neck feathers. And best of all buses and other vehicles acquire a new weapon in the never ending war with the devil's own (cyclists) spraying them at every corner and traffic light with what seem to be walls of water...all for the schadenfreudian joy of the rain walker.
Go on try it (pinch a walking stick if it makes you feel less obviously perverted as you fail to seek shelter) I can assure you that a good drenching will reveal a new world to you.
As the world and its dog goes racing by the slow walker gets to observe beautifully the glories and folly of life in the greatest city in the multiverse (that's London to the unknowing).
For example the evil that is chugging (charity mugging by eejit students in hi-viz vests) starts to take on a more menacing dimension when they get a good long time to size you up whilst you get to dread the incipient guilt trip as they imply you don't care about, as it might be, homeless, eco-unaware, whale killing child refugees. I have learned to control and indeed master this dread since my epoch shaking discovery that the involuntary and spastic jerking of my head and right hand scares most of them more than they do me. Failing which the old fall back of enquiring "Ich werde Sie sprechen Deutsch machen?" has them fleeing. A crip might be ok but a twitching German crip seems to conjure up Herr Flick of the Gestapo.
Dog "owners" are another group which enliven the day. They fail to understand that crips and dogs get on fine. A great deal of swerving takes place as the poor mutt (the dog that is) is dragged away presumably on the basis that it might either savage me (believe me no terrier is BIG enough) or that I might transfer some strange incapacity to the animal.
Then there is the push chair brigade! These rather weird females (who all seem to think that having pupped is a great achievement) happily send you arse over tit and then spend five minutes comforting the poor babe (not me the one in the pram). Thats when they are not nursing the bruise caused by the last minute application of a walking stick to their shins. Don't annoy the loony with the stick...its not big and its not clever.
Enough about this what happened to walking in the rain? Isn't that the subject of this blog? Well the good thing about rain is that humans generally do their best to get away from it. Chuggers hat it (vanishing into doorways), anti social dog owners decide to take their dogs (who on the whole are entirely better mannered and presented than their "owners") out later, and it is a well known fact that babies melt in rain.
The result is that the streets become free of these obnoxities (I do hope that is a word - if not it ought to be) and mavens like me can strut (ok limp) their stuff with a bit more security. But more than that rain is a great thing to walk in (perhaps that is the Glaswegian in me making necessity the mother of invention)just for the doing of it.
Now admittedly the horizontal in yer face forceful stuff that I grew up with in the Dear Green Place (that's Glasgu for the uninitiated) is a touch taxing but the more gentle vertical variety found in the Sasannach lands can be invigorating.
The streets glisten and adventure seems to beckon around every corner. The looming overcast (no rain without clouds after all) makes even bland office blocks seem to shimmer out of fantasy. Bedraggled pigeons mirror the rainbows cast by oil slicks in puddles in their neck feathers. And best of all buses and other vehicles acquire a new weapon in the never ending war with the devil's own (cyclists) spraying them at every corner and traffic light with what seem to be walls of water...all for the schadenfreudian joy of the rain walker.
Go on try it (pinch a walking stick if it makes you feel less obviously perverted as you fail to seek shelter) I can assure you that a good drenching will reveal a new world to you.
How To Get A Doctors Attention In 5 Easy Stages
1. Have an interesting set of illnesses. No doctor can resist if you pop into the clinic with a touch of African Tick Bite Typhus or a herpes infection from a virus normally only found in orang utans. Although be warned this can be risky of your doctor assumes that you are a zoophiliac (go read the dictionary) rather than a zoologist!
2. Acquire injuries or illnesses in an unusual (for the NHS) way. Lots of people get torn shoulder muscles but you really stand out if your explanation involves being knocked off a branch by a chimpanzee which proceeds to use your legs as a swing as you hang on with the (now damaged) arm. Likewise when old scars are being noticed you casually drop in "oh yeah thats when I was bitten by a rather pissed off puff adder" before you know it samples of your dna will be being assayed for snake venom proteins. Doctors love the unusual.
3. Make sure treatment of one common illness is complicated by another more exotic illness for example "Yeah that antibiotic would be good except that it usually triggers a malaria relapse" will have them puzzling over alternatives for weeks.
4. If you must do common illnesses do them in weird places. So you've got E coli...get it in the bladder (any tropical river is good for getting this although the mechanism is quite interesting!) it will have them engrossed!
5. Likewise with common injuries. You won't believe how excited that septiceamia will seem if it comes from a badger bite!
The point is that if you entertain your doctor you will find that they give you the best care you can possibly hope for. Scans they'll do them, blood they will collect it, letters and papers to learned journals they will send of in their excitement. Just pity the old geezer with a cold coming in after you!
2. Acquire injuries or illnesses in an unusual (for the NHS) way. Lots of people get torn shoulder muscles but you really stand out if your explanation involves being knocked off a branch by a chimpanzee which proceeds to use your legs as a swing as you hang on with the (now damaged) arm. Likewise when old scars are being noticed you casually drop in "oh yeah thats when I was bitten by a rather pissed off puff adder" before you know it samples of your dna will be being assayed for snake venom proteins. Doctors love the unusual.
3. Make sure treatment of one common illness is complicated by another more exotic illness for example "Yeah that antibiotic would be good except that it usually triggers a malaria relapse" will have them puzzling over alternatives for weeks.
4. If you must do common illnesses do them in weird places. So you've got E coli...get it in the bladder (any tropical river is good for getting this although the mechanism is quite interesting!) it will have them engrossed!
5. Likewise with common injuries. You won't believe how excited that septiceamia will seem if it comes from a badger bite!
The point is that if you entertain your doctor you will find that they give you the best care you can possibly hope for. Scans they'll do them, blood they will collect it, letters and papers to learned journals they will send of in their excitement. Just pity the old geezer with a cold coming in after you!
Cultured Hands
This detail from a sculpture in the New Budongo Forest Chimpanzee Centre at Edinburgh Zoo depicts for me the meeting of the hands of the killer apes, the tool making apes, the trading apes, the comforting apes, the cultured apes - chimpanzee and man.
This image sums up the core of my research into the evolutionary origins of law like behaviours in the linkages between the two species - Pan sapiens and Homo troglodytes!
Monday, 28 April 2008
Introducing Paul Cattigan
Since the profile configuration only allows a measly 1200 charachters to decribe yourself and that I had written soemthing I thought was a fairly comprehensive (if somewhat biased) description of myself I suppose that I might as well use the expanded version as my firs tblog so that anyone bored enough to read this might know who I am.
I'm a research zoologist/legal anthropologist based in Birkbeck College, University of London, studying the behaviours of chimpanzees, bonobos and orangs - and humans.
I have been HIV+ since 1986 and I am getting ready to celebrate the 23rd birthday of "my" virus next year. Last year I had some poor health and decided to take a break from doing football things and so in order to keep fit I took up Highland dancing - which is just another excuse to wear the kilt, but my recent stroke would appear to have kiboshed this for the moment.
I am physically unable to pass a bookshop.
Although I am 44 years old chronologically mentally at least I don't feel like I think a 44 year old should think like.
What do I like?
Diet Pepsi (coke at a pinch) - Mother, teacher, secret lover!
Wine - sauternes and other sweeties (no - they are not dessert wines you can indulge them on any occassion). German red wines (try some and be surprised the dornfelder grape is a good place to start). Port, Madiera, Malmsey. Champagne.
Beer - dark, treacley, ale.
Spirit - Scotch Whisky (blends! malts are for posers), Trinidadian Rum, German Vodka, English Gin.
Being shaved - hot towels, face massage, turkish tea...its heaven.
Food (eating) - meat (thats why we have the sharp things in our mouths), game, goose, beef, haggis, sausages...meat.
North European is my favourite cuisine but I love trying everything that crosses my plate. Oh and Yorkshire puddings!
Food (making) - meat, bread, and I am a dab hand at pickles and pies.
London - if a man is bored with etc... I have lived in this old whore of a city for over twenty of my adult years and the old darlin' still surprises every day.
Animals - all of them including humans (got some reservations about a particular puff adder which bit me but hey it was my fault).
Tobacco - little kids in Marlboro County pray for my continued existence so that Santa will come. So it kills you...so do most things on this planet...deal with it!
Promiscuity - monogamy is nature's trick to bring up kiddies...so not gay.
Football - playing it, watching it, coaching it - all of human life is there. I have played for the Royal Navy, Birkbeck College and Stonewall FC (thanks for the great times). I have also coached for Stonewall FC and Birkbeck.I support Aston Villa in England, St Pauli and Tennis-Borussia Berlin in Germany and I was born and will die a Celtic fan. Oh and every and any team that is playing against England gets my love for at least 90 minutes.
Berlin - so schon so wunderschon.
Philosophy - the Scottish Enlightenment is still going on.
Books - an unread book is an affront to decency.
Authors include Richard Dawkins, Charles Darwin, Dan Dennet, Kropotkin, David Hume, Thomas Malthus, Frans de Waal, Adam Smith, John Mortimer, Tom Holt, Tolkien, David Eddings, Bernard Cornwall, John le Carre, Ovid, Seutonius, Lindsey Davis, and the god that is Mr Terry Pratchett. Not forgetting Asterix!
HIV - evolution in motion and (personally speaking) the incentive to do what I want in life rather than what I ought to.
British Television - Spooks, Dad's Army, Dr Who, Shameless, Sharpe, Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, I Claudius, Allo Allo, anything by the god that is Sir David Attenborough.
Films - Die Untergang, James Bond, Lord of the Rings, X Men, St Trinians, Ring of Bright Water.
Music - Beethoven, Mozart, Verdi, John Adams, Strauss (all of them), Wagner, G & S, Kurt Weill, Marlene Dietrich, Eartha Kitt, Meatloaf, REM, KLF, Marc Almond, Kirsty Mccoll, Alison Moyet, Jaques Brel, Dr Hook, Madness, Seadogs, the Specials, the Kinks, Bob Marley, Abba, the Streets, the Pogues, traditional and techno bagpipes and loads more.
Buses - Route Master double deckers...you know they make sense!
Chocolate - non diabetic (yes I know it will kill me but see the entry for baccy).
Politics - Anarchism and rationality are my bag...Kropotkin's Mutual Aid says it all!
People - with something to say and the balls to argue for it.
What don't I like?
Wine - anything described as "dry" "chardonnay" and with some exceptions "new world".
Beer - lager.
Spirits - Tequila, Pernod.
Food - birds eggs (fish eggs on the other hand are grand).
Chocolate - diabetic...just don't go there.
London - not the place but those who always want to knock the old whore.
Animals - people who say they don't like animals without realising that they are one!
Shaving - thats what barbers are for.
Religion - all of them, they are all evil - an athiest is just someone who disbelives one more god than a believer.
Monogamy - if it works for you great but it is NOT a moral choice.
Football - why does there have to be a close season?
Berlin - why is it so far from London?
Philosophy - what do the French know about it (a black jumper is not/never enough).
Books - why have I never got enough money to buy them all?
HIV - after 23 years you would think it would know when is a bad time to play up.
Hepatitis C - my all new infection from 2005. According to the quacks I had about a year left and counting - aaah - all together now "Wheels on fire..."
American Television - it started with Bilko and went down from there (except for the Simpsons which I suspect must be British and Buffy (for the gift of Spike).
Music - not so much music as ipod...bitch invention from hell.
Politics - fluffy does not make things better...ever!
People - who just can't live and let live.
Thats a sample of things I like and dislike (WARNING its not comprehensive and its likely that some things will change on an almost daily basis).
I have career phobia!
When I was 16 I joined the Royal Navy and by the time I was 18 I was fighting in a war on a ship that was about to be sunk (taking my boyfriend with it).
When I was 22 I was told that I had HTLV III (soon to be sexily rebranded as HIV).
Told I was going to die...didn't die!
I was kindly asked to leave the navy but the nice admirals paid me to go to uni instead.
One history degree (and an abiding love of medieval German history) later I was again told that I was going to die soon from AIDS.
Still didn't die!
In the abscence of dying had to get off my arse and do something so read a law degree with the aim of becoming a rich barrister.
Didn't get rich!
Got hooked by Mr Darwin's big idea so did zoology with the aim of studying snakes. Discovered primates and forgot snakes (they got their own back when the 39 year old me got bitten by a puff adder). Primates are a great excuse for sitting around in zoos or in the field in Africa or Asia avoiding a career!
Now researching the evolution of law like behaviours in human and non human primates (mainly chimps but also humans, bonobos and orangs with the occassional baboon for variety).
In between times (sometimes at the same time) I have been , variously:
a not very civil servant (come to think of it I wasn't very servile either);
a president of a Students' Union;
a political assistant to an (old, very old both in age and views) Labour MP;
a football coach (as a glutton for punishment I have helped to found two football clubs 13 years apart).
At 41 I realise that for some people I am a failure because I don't have a "career" but then I have had a tremendous amount of fun and acquired all sorts of skills in avoiding one!
So I suppose that as a dab hand with an anchor, an ability to bore to death with details of the Hanseatic League or what Clause 4 was really all about whilst teaching a chimp to play in goal my "skill suite" is sufficiently eclectic to stop me from acquiring a career!
Which is just how I like it.
Got a few degrees at different levels to put after my name but the qualifications of which I am proudest is my City & Guilds in Underwater Welding and RSA Shorthand (neither of which I could probably do now).
I'm a research zoologist/legal anthropologist based in Birkbeck College, University of London, studying the behaviours of chimpanzees, bonobos and orangs - and humans.
I have been HIV+ since 1986 and I am getting ready to celebrate the 23rd birthday of "my" virus next year. Last year I had some poor health and decided to take a break from doing football things and so in order to keep fit I took up Highland dancing - which is just another excuse to wear the kilt, but my recent stroke would appear to have kiboshed this for the moment.
I am physically unable to pass a bookshop.
Although I am 44 years old chronologically mentally at least I don't feel like I think a 44 year old should think like.
What do I like?
Diet Pepsi (coke at a pinch) - Mother, teacher, secret lover!
Wine - sauternes and other sweeties (no - they are not dessert wines you can indulge them on any occassion). German red wines (try some and be surprised the dornfelder grape is a good place to start). Port, Madiera, Malmsey. Champagne.
Beer - dark, treacley, ale.
Spirit - Scotch Whisky (blends! malts are for posers), Trinidadian Rum, German Vodka, English Gin.
Being shaved - hot towels, face massage, turkish tea...its heaven.
Food (eating) - meat (thats why we have the sharp things in our mouths), game, goose, beef, haggis, sausages...meat.
North European is my favourite cuisine but I love trying everything that crosses my plate. Oh and Yorkshire puddings!
Food (making) - meat, bread, and I am a dab hand at pickles and pies.
London - if a man is bored with etc... I have lived in this old whore of a city for over twenty of my adult years and the old darlin' still surprises every day.
Animals - all of them including humans (got some reservations about a particular puff adder which bit me but hey it was my fault).
Tobacco - little kids in Marlboro County pray for my continued existence so that Santa will come. So it kills you...so do most things on this planet...deal with it!
Promiscuity - monogamy is nature's trick to bring up kiddies...so not gay.
Football - playing it, watching it, coaching it - all of human life is there. I have played for the Royal Navy, Birkbeck College and Stonewall FC (thanks for the great times). I have also coached for Stonewall FC and Birkbeck.I support Aston Villa in England, St Pauli and Tennis-Borussia Berlin in Germany and I was born and will die a Celtic fan. Oh and every and any team that is playing against England gets my love for at least 90 minutes.
Berlin - so schon so wunderschon.
Philosophy - the Scottish Enlightenment is still going on.
Books - an unread book is an affront to decency.
Authors include Richard Dawkins, Charles Darwin, Dan Dennet, Kropotkin, David Hume, Thomas Malthus, Frans de Waal, Adam Smith, John Mortimer, Tom Holt, Tolkien, David Eddings, Bernard Cornwall, John le Carre, Ovid, Seutonius, Lindsey Davis, and the god that is Mr Terry Pratchett. Not forgetting Asterix!
HIV - evolution in motion and (personally speaking) the incentive to do what I want in life rather than what I ought to.
British Television - Spooks, Dad's Army, Dr Who, Shameless, Sharpe, Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, I Claudius, Allo Allo, anything by the god that is Sir David Attenborough.
Films - Die Untergang, James Bond, Lord of the Rings, X Men, St Trinians, Ring of Bright Water.
Music - Beethoven, Mozart, Verdi, John Adams, Strauss (all of them), Wagner, G & S, Kurt Weill, Marlene Dietrich, Eartha Kitt, Meatloaf, REM, KLF, Marc Almond, Kirsty Mccoll, Alison Moyet, Jaques Brel, Dr Hook, Madness, Seadogs, the Specials, the Kinks, Bob Marley, Abba, the Streets, the Pogues, traditional and techno bagpipes and loads more.
Buses - Route Master double deckers...you know they make sense!
Chocolate - non diabetic (yes I know it will kill me but see the entry for baccy).
Politics - Anarchism and rationality are my bag...Kropotkin's Mutual Aid says it all!
People - with something to say and the balls to argue for it.
What don't I like?
Wine - anything described as "dry" "chardonnay" and with some exceptions "new world".
Beer - lager.
Spirits - Tequila, Pernod.
Food - birds eggs (fish eggs on the other hand are grand).
Chocolate - diabetic...just don't go there.
London - not the place but those who always want to knock the old whore.
Animals - people who say they don't like animals without realising that they are one!
Shaving - thats what barbers are for.
Religion - all of them, they are all evil - an athiest is just someone who disbelives one more god than a believer.
Monogamy - if it works for you great but it is NOT a moral choice.
Football - why does there have to be a close season?
Berlin - why is it so far from London?
Philosophy - what do the French know about it (a black jumper is not/never enough).
Books - why have I never got enough money to buy them all?
HIV - after 23 years you would think it would know when is a bad time to play up.
Hepatitis C - my all new infection from 2005. According to the quacks I had about a year left and counting - aaah - all together now "Wheels on fire..."
American Television - it started with Bilko and went down from there (except for the Simpsons which I suspect must be British and Buffy (for the gift of Spike).
Music - not so much music as ipod...bitch invention from hell.
Politics - fluffy does not make things better...ever!
People - who just can't live and let live.
Thats a sample of things I like and dislike (WARNING its not comprehensive and its likely that some things will change on an almost daily basis).
I have career phobia!
When I was 16 I joined the Royal Navy and by the time I was 18 I was fighting in a war on a ship that was about to be sunk (taking my boyfriend with it).
When I was 22 I was told that I had HTLV III (soon to be sexily rebranded as HIV).
Told I was going to die...didn't die!
I was kindly asked to leave the navy but the nice admirals paid me to go to uni instead.
One history degree (and an abiding love of medieval German history) later I was again told that I was going to die soon from AIDS.
Still didn't die!
In the abscence of dying had to get off my arse and do something so read a law degree with the aim of becoming a rich barrister.
Didn't get rich!
Got hooked by Mr Darwin's big idea so did zoology with the aim of studying snakes. Discovered primates and forgot snakes (they got their own back when the 39 year old me got bitten by a puff adder). Primates are a great excuse for sitting around in zoos or in the field in Africa or Asia avoiding a career!
Now researching the evolution of law like behaviours in human and non human primates (mainly chimps but also humans, bonobos and orangs with the occassional baboon for variety).
In between times (sometimes at the same time) I have been , variously:
a not very civil servant (come to think of it I wasn't very servile either);
a president of a Students' Union;
a political assistant to an (old, very old both in age and views) Labour MP;
a football coach (as a glutton for punishment I have helped to found two football clubs 13 years apart).
At 41 I realise that for some people I am a failure because I don't have a "career" but then I have had a tremendous amount of fun and acquired all sorts of skills in avoiding one!
So I suppose that as a dab hand with an anchor, an ability to bore to death with details of the Hanseatic League or what Clause 4 was really all about whilst teaching a chimp to play in goal my "skill suite" is sufficiently eclectic to stop me from acquiring a career!
Which is just how I like it.
Got a few degrees at different levels to put after my name but the qualifications of which I am proudest is my City & Guilds in Underwater Welding and RSA Shorthand (neither of which I could probably do now).
Saturday, 26 April 2008
LUXURY AT EDINBURGH ZOO
One of the most infuriating things in life must be when a service provider fails in the quality and then goes into denial. You know the sort of thing, whatever you were reasonably expecting turns out to be less than good and you try to point this out - only to be met by either a blank refusal to address the problem or a string of feeble excuses.
This has been brought home to me over the last few days as I have been making a visit back to the auld country.
I will give some examples each in their own way indicative of the "my service is crap" denial syndrome.
Firstly on a visit to Edinburgh Zoo with my teenage nephew I took him for lunch to the "Mansion" house in the Zoo which is primarily aimed at members of the Royal Scottish Zoological Society and is promised in the Zoo's literature as being a touch of "luxury." Now it must be said that the 18th century building is impressive although the fact that the main entrance is in a service area does let it down.
According to the Zoo, "The Mansion House at Edinburgh Zoo is a truly unique venue, offering charm, elegance, impeccable service and access to over 1,000 wonderful animals! We are open 365 days of the year."
Maybe they should close for a few of those days and do some maintenance work as the following might demonstrate.
On entering the dining room we discovered that it was closed as they were setting up for a wedding - the next day! We were invited to dine in the bar -where the full lunch menu would be available. This seemed good. However the luxury menu consisted of burgers, barbecue chicken, and a ploughman’s lunch which featured two types of cheddar cheese (presumably brie, edam or god help us stilton is beyond the pale).
Whilst waiting over 15 minutes for the requisite burgers and chicken bits to appear we had plenty of time to see the torn fabric on the bar benches, the torn and dirty seat covers, the less than sympathetic placing of fire alarms and signage which could be described as local authority brutal. Oh and plenty of time to explain to the barmaid what a shandy was!
A visit to the toilet was no better. Now I don’t want to appear snobby but in an establishment that prides itself on the “luxury” service it provides it is a bit déclassé to see that the guests share the staff’s toilets.
More importantly the toilet had the blue wheel chaired symbol that meant it was suitable for disabled users. That would be the disabled users capable of pushing one very heavy door open from left to right and whilst holding it open then holding a second very heavy door open from left to right. Of course it helps if you can wait until some-one else needs to use the toilet and then follow in their wake! How much does it take to remove the inner door and mechanise the outer one? The response from the manager was that “its an old building and we can’t change it because of the heritage people.” I suppose that they have never heard of the Disability Discrimination Act 1995.
Once inside the toilet cubicle a new problem indeed a danger presented itself. The lock facing of the door was missing…and going on the accumulated grime had been for some time exposing two very sharp nails to welcome the unwary. With the wounds wrapped in tissue my complaint was met by the managers confident statement that “somebody else does the toilets.” Maybe the beloved managerial excuse of “Health and Safety” would in this case be appropriate.
Having performed the tasks that one does in such places the next issue was the very disabled flush mechanism…that is the brass chain that ended at least 2 metres above the ground (a rough guestimate based on the distance between the top of my 1.78cm and the chain). Now I’m unable to lift my arms above my shoulders so that was out (and pity the poor guy in a wheelchair). Yet when brought to the attention of the management this was shrugged off as having been passed by the “disabled people”. Disability Discrimination Act again people, or possibly basic common-sense.
Before leaving the toilets one final look around reveals dirt and grime that is caked to the floor and sinks…perhaps a new eco-system for the zoo! The first response from the staff was “it’s a different company and they don’t appear to have mopped around today ” was contradicted by the boss who asserted that she had seen them clean it “three times” that day.
Back however to the food which had by now arrived.
My burger (ordered medium rare) was charcoal on the outside and sawdust in the middle (Manager – Scottish Law insists that we now cook burgers this was…it’s Health and Safety.”
The accompanying salad leaves were dry and undressed and no dressing was available to render them palatable (Manager – the public have complained about dressings so we don’t do them.) I assume that they have never heard of sauce boats or even bottles of oil, vinaigrette or mayo.
Under a pile of chips lurked of all things potato salad – the manager was silent on this point but I believe that she couldn’t grasp that potato overload could ever happen.
The nephew’s barbecued chicken baguette came as a self assembly job with the chicken and baguette lying beside each other on the plate. Tasty!
It took complaining to three members of staff before I got to speak to the manager who produced the best excuse of all when she said “we don’t get any money from the government and all of the money goes on the animals.”
This composite excuse is really quite good. So good each of the two parts needs to be looked at separately.
First government money. Think about it…why should they get money from the government. I went to Celtic Park 2 days later to see Celtic humble Rangers neither of them get money from the government and know that a big part of their business is keeping the paying punter happy. But zoos (I have encountered this excuse elsewhere) all seem to think that in some way they should have government money and because they don’t any old service is justified.
As to the animals I can say with some expertise, since I am a zoologist by trade, that I care about animals – deeply. Edinburgh Zoo’s animals are brilliantly kept, most in modern facilities. My own speciality is chimpanzees and the new Budongo Forest facility at Edinburgh is world class. On this visit I saw penguins being hand fed, monkeys and chimps with excellent browse available, frisky rhinos and active big cats. Edinburgh does very well by it’s animals and rightly so. Yet it treats its human guests appallingly. That’s the people who put the money in the coffers “for the animals.”
We were promised luxury and formal dining as can be seen in the Zoo’s paper and online claims (http://www.edinburghzoo.org.uk/PageAccess.aspx?id=16) and got nothing like it. To be fair however they did take 50% off the bill after the whole sorry episode.
Crap and over-priced food, crap environment (did I mention the “luxury” paper napkins), disgusting toilets and excuses from hell.
Truly an excellent example of the "my service is crap" denial syndrome.
This has been brought home to me over the last few days as I have been making a visit back to the auld country.
I will give some examples each in their own way indicative of the "my service is crap" denial syndrome.
Firstly on a visit to Edinburgh Zoo with my teenage nephew I took him for lunch to the "Mansion" house in the Zoo which is primarily aimed at members of the Royal Scottish Zoological Society and is promised in the Zoo's literature as being a touch of "luxury." Now it must be said that the 18th century building is impressive although the fact that the main entrance is in a service area does let it down.
According to the Zoo, "The Mansion House at Edinburgh Zoo is a truly unique venue, offering charm, elegance, impeccable service and access to over 1,000 wonderful animals! We are open 365 days of the year."
Maybe they should close for a few of those days and do some maintenance work as the following might demonstrate.
On entering the dining room we discovered that it was closed as they were setting up for a wedding - the next day! We were invited to dine in the bar -where the full lunch menu would be available. This seemed good. However the luxury menu consisted of burgers, barbecue chicken, and a ploughman’s lunch which featured two types of cheddar cheese (presumably brie, edam or god help us stilton is beyond the pale).
Whilst waiting over 15 minutes for the requisite burgers and chicken bits to appear we had plenty of time to see the torn fabric on the bar benches, the torn and dirty seat covers, the less than sympathetic placing of fire alarms and signage which could be described as local authority brutal. Oh and plenty of time to explain to the barmaid what a shandy was!
A visit to the toilet was no better. Now I don’t want to appear snobby but in an establishment that prides itself on the “luxury” service it provides it is a bit déclassé to see that the guests share the staff’s toilets.
More importantly the toilet had the blue wheel chaired symbol that meant it was suitable for disabled users. That would be the disabled users capable of pushing one very heavy door open from left to right and whilst holding it open then holding a second very heavy door open from left to right. Of course it helps if you can wait until some-one else needs to use the toilet and then follow in their wake! How much does it take to remove the inner door and mechanise the outer one? The response from the manager was that “its an old building and we can’t change it because of the heritage people.” I suppose that they have never heard of the Disability Discrimination Act 1995.
Once inside the toilet cubicle a new problem indeed a danger presented itself. The lock facing of the door was missing…and going on the accumulated grime had been for some time exposing two very sharp nails to welcome the unwary. With the wounds wrapped in tissue my complaint was met by the managers confident statement that “somebody else does the toilets.” Maybe the beloved managerial excuse of “Health and Safety” would in this case be appropriate.
Having performed the tasks that one does in such places the next issue was the very disabled flush mechanism…that is the brass chain that ended at least 2 metres above the ground (a rough guestimate based on the distance between the top of my 1.78cm and the chain). Now I’m unable to lift my arms above my shoulders so that was out (and pity the poor guy in a wheelchair). Yet when brought to the attention of the management this was shrugged off as having been passed by the “disabled people”. Disability Discrimination Act again people, or possibly basic common-sense.
Before leaving the toilets one final look around reveals dirt and grime that is caked to the floor and sinks…perhaps a new eco-system for the zoo! The first response from the staff was “it’s a different company and they don’t appear to have mopped around today ” was contradicted by the boss who asserted that she had seen them clean it “three times” that day.
Back however to the food which had by now arrived.
My burger (ordered medium rare) was charcoal on the outside and sawdust in the middle (Manager – Scottish Law insists that we now cook burgers this was…it’s Health and Safety.”
The accompanying salad leaves were dry and undressed and no dressing was available to render them palatable (Manager – the public have complained about dressings so we don’t do them.) I assume that they have never heard of sauce boats or even bottles of oil, vinaigrette or mayo.
Under a pile of chips lurked of all things potato salad – the manager was silent on this point but I believe that she couldn’t grasp that potato overload could ever happen.
The nephew’s barbecued chicken baguette came as a self assembly job with the chicken and baguette lying beside each other on the plate. Tasty!
It took complaining to three members of staff before I got to speak to the manager who produced the best excuse of all when she said “we don’t get any money from the government and all of the money goes on the animals.”
This composite excuse is really quite good. So good each of the two parts needs to be looked at separately.
First government money. Think about it…why should they get money from the government. I went to Celtic Park 2 days later to see Celtic humble Rangers neither of them get money from the government and know that a big part of their business is keeping the paying punter happy. But zoos (I have encountered this excuse elsewhere) all seem to think that in some way they should have government money and because they don’t any old service is justified.
As to the animals I can say with some expertise, since I am a zoologist by trade, that I care about animals – deeply. Edinburgh Zoo’s animals are brilliantly kept, most in modern facilities. My own speciality is chimpanzees and the new Budongo Forest facility at Edinburgh is world class. On this visit I saw penguins being hand fed, monkeys and chimps with excellent browse available, frisky rhinos and active big cats. Edinburgh does very well by it’s animals and rightly so. Yet it treats its human guests appallingly. That’s the people who put the money in the coffers “for the animals.”
We were promised luxury and formal dining as can be seen in the Zoo’s paper and online claims (http://www.edinburghzoo.org.uk/PageAccess.aspx?id=16) and got nothing like it. To be fair however they did take 50% off the bill after the whole sorry episode.
Crap and over-priced food, crap environment (did I mention the “luxury” paper napkins), disgusting toilets and excuses from hell.
Truly an excellent example of the "my service is crap" denial syndrome.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
