1. Have an interesting set of illnesses. No doctor can resist if you pop into the clinic with a touch of African Tick Bite Typhus or a herpes infection from a virus normally only found in orang utans. Although be warned this can be risky of your doctor assumes that you are a zoophiliac (go read the dictionary) rather than a zoologist!
2. Acquire injuries or illnesses in an unusual (for the NHS) way. Lots of people get torn shoulder muscles but you really stand out if your explanation involves being knocked off a branch by a chimpanzee which proceeds to use your legs as a swing as you hang on with the (now damaged) arm. Likewise when old scars are being noticed you casually drop in "oh yeah thats when I was bitten by a rather pissed off puff adder" before you know it samples of your dna will be being assayed for snake venom proteins. Doctors love the unusual.
3. Make sure treatment of one common illness is complicated by another more exotic illness for example "Yeah that antibiotic would be good except that it usually triggers a malaria relapse" will have them puzzling over alternatives for weeks.
4. If you must do common illnesses do them in weird places. So you've got E coli...get it in the bladder (any tropical river is good for getting this although the mechanism is quite interesting!) it will have them engrossed!
5. Likewise with common injuries. You won't believe how excited that septiceamia will seem if it comes from a badger bite!
The point is that if you entertain your doctor you will find that they give you the best care you can possibly hope for. Scans they'll do them, blood they will collect it, letters and papers to learned journals they will send of in their excitement. Just pity the old geezer with a cold coming in after you!
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